Table of Contents

Table of Contents and Summary

TOMORROW THERE IS LOVE

Introduction
The reasoning and experiences that lead the author to write this book.

Emergency - First Aid Kit

Some people who read this book might already be in relationships. This Emergency Kit discusses some important basics which can be applied immediately to help the reader deal with current critical problems. The First Aid Kit is filled with fresh ideas and fast actions which allow the reader to create immediate shifts in attitude in order to smooth out the present situation, and bring clarity for decisions on short-term action.

Part I · The Fairy Tale Phase

In this phase we are confronted with the fairy tale romance versus social reality, and the necessary transitions therein.

Chapter One · Once Upon A Time
Topics:  Historical Review; Marriage and Social Economics; Gender Stereotyping; The Influence of Social Economics; Transition of Roles & Stereotypes.

The author draws a backdrop on the present state of relationships in general, showing how today's reality has been influenced by history, traditions, economics, and social trends, and how they have affected male and female roles and caused the creation of role stereotypes. He shows why we are locked into certain practices, and explains the confusion behind our modern values concerning connections and relationships.

Chapter Two · Fast Forward
Topics:  Lessons From Traditions; Modern Complexities

Here is what we have to learn from our social past, and how to approach our modern complexities so that we do not merely do what has been done before, without rational consideration.

Chapter Three · New Ways To Love
Topics:  Setting Your Mind at Peace; Self Discovery; Reality Readjustment Exercise; Loneliness-Individuality and Separateness; The Hidden, Dark Self, Ready for Action; Rules?

Many people break off relationships because they feel personally confused or feel they do not know themselves enough to be sure they are making or have made the right choice. They feel the need for a sense of purpose and identity before they can embark on a committed relationship. This chapter provides drills, meditations and exercises to bring the 'SELF' into a higher state of certainty and self awareness, in order to gain the necessary personal power and confidence to move into a connection with assuredness of success.

Chapter Four · Meeting People
Topics:  The Internet; Dating And Personal Services; Repeated Exposure; Priming a Connection-Staying in Touch; Manageable Circle of Acquaintances.

In this chapter we engage in the exploration of meeting practices and locales, aspects of initiating or priming a connection or relationship, and setting a rational foundation of friendships and acquaintances from which to select more intimate relationships.

Chapter Five · Love At First Sight
Topics:  The Reciprocity of Passion; Emotions and Illusions.

Understand and balance biological and emotional reactions and responses, and gain a viable perspective between them. How the chemistry of a connection works.

 Part II · Posturing & Positioning Phase

We review how to evaluate and pursue a connection or relationship, and the social posturing and presentation of oneself to others, and they to us. We look at the natural process of ·sizing up· that takes place in the early stages of a connection. We then enhance it with additional discernment criteria, and discuss ways to overcome or balance purely animalistic responses in favor of or versus more rational ones.

Chapter One · Beautiful Body
Topics:  Beauty and the Beast; A Remedy to the Beast; A Remedy to the Beast in Beauty.

Here we review rational perspectives on physical appearances, our own and those of others, and freeing ourselves from social stereotypes of beauty. There is an exercise in this chapter which helps us to expand our field of choice when confronted with the issue of physical appearances. The exercise is also designed to help us eradicate any self-consciousnesses regarding the look of our own body, and to learn how to appreciate it.

Chapter Two · Exploring Emotions
Topics:  Disturbing Emotions; Decoding Your Perceptions & Emotions; Manipulation; Secrecy and Lies.

We are now dealing with emotions that take place in the early stages of a relationship, and how to understand our emotions. We learn to read what our own emotions tell us. We explore how manipulation, secrecy, and lies all but block and delay a relationship from cementing in a viable manner. We also challenge social trends that condone manipulation, lies, and secrecy.

Chapter Three · Dating Protocols
Topics:  Attitude; Blind Reckoning; Conversations; Refining Acquaintances to Meaningful Connections; Expanding The Connecting Through Sex; Sexual Practices.

Most books on how to create love and romance focus on the posturing and positioning phase of the relationship, particularly on how to handle dating protocol. This chapter condenses most of the traditional rules of behavior into intelligent basics, and introduces a broader slant to challenge and critique tradition, with emphasis on putting the individual at the helm of practice and behavior standards.

Chapter Four · Reading His Heart
Topics:  Understanding Motives; Inaccurate Interpretation of Events; Don't Want You Getting Hurt; Habits; Intuition Versus Extra-Sensory Perceptions; Thus Far; Well Enough?

One of the most difficult things at an early stage of a relationship is an accurate assessment of the motives, personality and other characteristics of the other person. Here you are shown some very specific signals and telltale flags that show clearly what the other person's intentions and motivations are. You will learn to determine their hidden intentions with a high degree of accuracy.

Part III · The Dawning Phase

Once the basic posturing and sizing up have been established, in this next phase we are now ready to start building a more substantial foundation based on carefully examined realities and more fundamental aspects of life.

Chapter One · Communication
Topics:  Mechanics; Content; Medium; Manners; Written Communication; Communication Creates Reality.

A more precise understanding of how communication works is necessary to truly build any viable activity. It is presented here particularly for relationships. Braking down the subject into it's basic components allows us a greater understanding and improves our execution.

Chapter Two · What is Love
Topics: Unreality; Disagreements; Differences & Choices; Agreement Versus Compromise; Integrity and Truth & Trust; Do I Tell if I Have Cheated? How to Make a Man.

This is an important essay on love·from the traditional perspective to the rarely recognized nuances that will clarify, define and bring a stabilizing, bonding influence to a connection. Once a strong connection is established, with the intelligent use of communication, one can now create common realities and agreements, and learn to determine what is negotiable and what (as a matter of integrity) is not. Here you set common realities on matters of integrity, openness within the relationship, and the building of trust, obviating the desire or need to cheat, and how to cure it when it has happened. Finally, a very controversial topic concerning whether to change a person, and how that relates to integrity, and the responsibility for each other in a relationship·specifically, the power of a woman.

Chapter Three · Charting A Course
Topics:  A More Adventurous Life; A Matter of Balance; Shadows From the Past-The Return of Old Lovers.

Here we study and balance the idea of objectives and plans in a relationship, and the absence of such objectives.  Lovers from the past are unpredictable events that usually arise at points in the relationship somewhere in between the time plans and objectives are being established and the time commitments are about to be cemented.

Part IV · The Shoals and Narrows Phase

The initial enthusiasm of love and the high of the connection goes past the Dawning Phase with some critical issues unresolved, which are saved under the heading, "We love each other so much that we know we can handle any conflict that comes up." They surface later and are the root of great difficulty. Those difficulties are studied, and ways of handling them are presented.

Chapter One · Inner Conflict
Topics:  Conflict Resolution; Communication Methods; Willingness to Grant Rightness; Recognition of Issues; Hidden Issues; Rocking the Boat; Freedom From Guilt.

In conflict resolution there are several important elements that must be clearly understood to achieve any success: Allowing the possibility that the other person might be right is a more rational position than simply trying to prove them wrong. It discusses some nuances not found elsewhere on texts on this subject. Often, issues are so complex and include so many subtle or hidden nuances, an issue is rendered insoluble. Refusal to challenge conventional wisdom (rock the boat!), and the guilt associated thereto, is also a barrier to handling conflicts.

Chapter Two · Helen, the Face that Launched a Thousand Ships
Topics: Drawn by Passion; A Broader Concept of Obsession; Warning Signs; Easing and Relieving Obsession.

Another important barrier to the creation of viable relationships is what I call the tug-o-war of emotions that takes place when one wants and the other doesn't. This chapter reviews the source and realm of fatal attractions, and stalking, which can create personal disaster, and even wars, for those involved. At a milder level, the power of these emotions has been the source of art and beauty, and the beautiful sadness of loss.

Chapter Three · Violence and Abuse
Topics:  Guilt and Abuse Fallout; Guilt and Violence; Guilt and Abuse; Guilt and Life-Summary.

Violence, abuse, guilt, blame, shame and regret are all elements that will prevent a connection or relationship from ever really cementing. These are the sources of the mysterious hang ups, some minor, other significant enough to destroy or completely impede any real bonding from taking place. In these articles, we study the anatomy of these emotions and the forces which have often been regarded as impassable barriers. Amongst these barriers is the guilt of the victim of abuse or violence. When we understand how they come about, and how to eradicate their effect, then we are free to open new roads.

Part V · The Nurturing Phase

When all or most barriers are completely or nearly completely removed, love can now be nurtured, and brought to a higher level.

Chapter One · The Magic Key
Topics: Rule One; Rule Two; Rule Three; Test The Magic Key-Quick Test; My Heart and How They Won It.

Here are the rules of unconditional love and how to implement them. I add my personal view of the aspects in many of my relationships that, because they had the flavor of 'unconditional love,' moved me in very unusual ways. I also give you a quick, eye-opening exercise to prove its feasibility.

Chapter Two · Woman-Mother
Topics:  Ultimate Power-Ultimate Weapon; Ultimate Responsibility; Mother Feminist; Commitment.

This chapter deals with the rarely examined aspects of a woman's power and responsibilities arising form that power. It is the purpose of these essays to awaken woman to the power within her, and encourage her to use it to move herself into her rightful position in the social arena. Armed with her powers she is thus in a more rational position to enter into an emotional commitment, with a more profound understanding of commitment, and the power to have it last, as well as to become an active participant in significant changes in the redefinition of roles.

Chapter Three · On the Social Side of a Connection
Topics: Pregnancy & Other Sexual Fall Out; Options & Safety Nets; A Social Contract vs. A Contract of Love; Ramifications of the Marriage Contract; Contract Issues to Consider; Philosophical Digressions-Licenses, and Rights; Marriages That Work.

In these essays you will find very poignant and cold-blooded views of Love in the social context, so that you surround your connection and commitment with the necessary social support to ensure its security and endurance. This section analyses facets of marriage or a committed relationship as a de facto contract, and alerts you to the potential pitfalls contained in laws and practices that must be known before entering into it. It clearly identifies the ingredients that make a marriage work, and sets a parallel between workable marriages and the contents of this book, thereby validating the approach presented in the book.

Part VI · The Wisdom Phase

Wisdom is acquired in the face of reversals. This phase deals with reversals and the wisdom gained from it.

Chapter One · The Breakdown of Marriage
Topics:  Who's Fault is it? Basis for Repair; Restoring a Foundation.

This section gives the precise mechanism and the anatomy of what will invariably cause a break up, and shows the signs to alert us of the subtle seeds, so prevention can be applied before the onset of a crisis. We also learn the futility of assigning fault for a break up, and explore what could constitute a basis to repair or to rebuild. Additionally it sets a foundation whereupon the restoration to the high point of the connection can be achieved.

Chapter Two · The Road Back
Topics:  Agreements, Transgressions, Secrets and Rationalizations

This section is perhaps more important than all other items in the book because it deals with the hot topic of repairing a relationship, utilizing rather radical and perhaps unorthodox concepts. These concepts are surely to be found controversial and difficult to apply, due to the vested interest we share socially in protecting our right to hold onto and validate the reasons we give for breaking commitments. These rationalizations are challenged and unmasked. I am prepared to get more anguished letters from readers as a result of these essays!

Chapter Three · Salvage Operation
Topics:  Emotional Turbulence

To salvage means to recover whatever is left that is useful from an otherwise worthless structure unable to forward the original purpose of its construction. Discover what is salvageable when a connection is broken, and understand, expect, and learn how to heal the emotional turbulence that accompanies a break up.

Recovery & Healing Exercises
Comforting Connections; Time; Eradicate Regret and Focus on Events; Distractions; Focusing on the Feeling; Relieving Obsession; Clearing Up Secrets; Truth; Proactive Moves; Talk to the Body.

These are very precise exercises and meditations to recover from a break up as quickly as possible, and to put one's life back together, and relieve the anguish, pain, and emotional turbulence from the break up. These are incredibly workable exercises.

Additional Topics:  Graceful Passage·Joseph's Dilemma;

Freedom From Losing Patterns.

A moral and spiritual view that can further assist the healing is the example in Joseph's Dilemma. As a child, Joseph was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers. His dilemma shows us how to rise from human revenge, to see the higher, perhaps divine, purpose of adversity. When that higher purpose, one is able to see the adversity as a blessing.

Finally, once the sorrows of a break up are predominantly cleared up, we are able to more clearly discern and manage the behavior patterns which thrust us into repeated failures. In clearing up the patterns, we can achieve a lasting relief, and break the repetitive pattern of loss.

Chapter Four · First Love The Second Time Around
Topics:  Love is Where You Build It-New Frontiers

The power and enthusiasm gained in the wisdom phase culminates in the creation of new, fresh ideas, new hopes for the future, and an assuredness of the attainment of  ones deepest desires·resulting in tasting 'the first love' the second time around.

Prologue - All Good Things
... Evolve into better ones...